After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the Pilot: reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor!
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
Tech Support:Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Tech Support:Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Tech Support:Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Tech Support:Live bugs on back-order.
Pilot: AutoPilot: in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Tech Support:Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Tech Support:Evidence removed.
Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Tech Support:DME volume set to more believable level.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Tech Support:That’s what they’re there for.
Pilot: IFF inoperative.
Tech Support:IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Tech Support:Suspect you’re right.
Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Tech Support:Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Tech Support:Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot: Target radar hums.
Tech Support:Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Tech Support:Cat installed.
Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
Tech Support:Took hammer away from midget.
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